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| 04:00pm 07/09/2009 |
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I'm moving so I decided to finally get rid of some stuff that I decided I did not need anymore^^° All prices include shipping.
Photosets: 4 Photos : 10$ 2 Photos : 5$ 2 Photos (big size) : 8$
CDs: Imperial Presence Hyoutei (Seigaku 4th cast + Hyoutei A / including stickers) : 25$ Kimeru Album "Discover" : 25$
Nakagauchi Masataka Album "Cheers!!!" CD+ DVD version (with special case; still in original wrapping): 35$ Nakagauchi Masataka Single "Your Story" (with special case): 10$ on hold for mightyichi
DVD: Yoosoro (still in original wrapping) : 40$
others: Nakagauchi Masataka first live tour "Cheers!!!" official bag : 8$
unfortunately I can only accept Paypal^^° All Items in good/very good condition more ( here )
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| HYPER^^ |
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| 10:54pm 27/03/2008 |
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mood:  hyper music: Emotion - rie tanaka
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well I've been in hyper mode for the last two days and I have no clue why^^° two days ago I had night shift at mc donalds again. unfortunately...or fortunately I had to work until 2 a.m. so since it was teusday/wednesday there would not be a subway until 4:30 in the morning. so I walked home. five minutes after leaving Hamburg main station (where I work) it began to snow^^ well it took me an hour to get home...I was soaking wet from the snow, but it was great^^
and i've fallen in love with lacus claye from gundam seed^^ right now I'm seving the internet looking for a pink haro ^^
haro! genki? XDDDDDD |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| 休みです |
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| 10:46pm 08/02/2008 |
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mood:  energetic music: リバル以上
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well today was my last test this semestre... It was really crappy but I think I'll still be able to pass it ^^° before I thought I'd die if I got worse than B but now I'll be fine with any mark since the questions were very stupid. especially the part fromsugihara sensei... I had to explain some words in japanese...word like 上流 or 山脈 ...I can't even explain it properly in german or english..so how am I supposed to describe it in japanes o_O?
well but I't too late to think about it now^^ for the next two weeks I'll just enjoy myself visiting friends and doing some training with the other ShoKoBo members.
see ya! |
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| 試験が怖いです |
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| 06:53am 08/02/2008 |
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mood:  energetic music: Do Your Best
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七時間後に日本語の試験だ。。。 本当に怖いだ (泣)
しかし。。。出来るはずだ! 頑張りま~~~~す! ^^ |
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| まだ冬ですか? |
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| 11:41pm 07/02/2008 |
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mood: awake music: climax jump
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well I left the house quite early this morning since there were some things I had to do. when I was done I saw a crocus on my way to my university. well not only one but quite a lot of them which really surprised me. I mean...it's the beginning of FEBRUARY!!!! and we're supposed to have WINTER and not spring... well not that I would mind the warmth but...somhow it really is scary how the climate ist changing...

tomorrow is my final test in japanese...I'm really scared...but I know that I can do it^^ |
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| 11:36pm 01/02/2008 |
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mood:  calm music: none
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well today my mother and her boyfriend came to hamburg to watch some musical at st.pauli. I don't really like that musical so I did not join them. But we were out for dinner together. I really enjoyed spending some hours with them. we were talking mostly about my travel to japan. I'm really glad that they are supporting me this much, as well as my father^^ apart from that, there was nothing special today, so see you later^^ |
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| "I don't stop FLY HIGH and SKY HIGH..." |
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| 01:52am 28/11/2007 |
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mood:  content music: Everything from Pronce of tennis
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Am I crazy? Yes I am!^^ Why? because I just ran 7km through the cold outside and I feel so FREAKING HAPPY about it!^^
well the whole story is that I got out of the subway too late because i was so lost in thought about the choreography for "koi no gekidasa ecstasy". but since it was already half past midnight there was no subway that could bring me back anymore^^° of course there would habe been buses...but well I had to find bus station first^^ I was lucky only a few minutes later but since the bus would not have come before another 15 minutes I decided to walk a few stations. but suddenly "dream believer" started playing on my mp3 player and I just couldn't help it...I started running. The song ended but I did not stop running. It was such a great feeling! more songs like "fly high" or "little sky" were playing and I just kept on running. It had been quite some time since I last did some serious jogging. I had tried 3 or four times since I started university but I somehow never found the time to do in on a regular basis like I used to during my last year in school. At some point I did not even feel my legs anymore (whether it was due to the cold or to this incredible feeling I don't quite know...mabe both^^°) It felt like flying in some way...maybe that is how a stormrider (from air gear) would feel^^ and no, I have not taken any drugs!!! XD (except for prince of tennis maybe^^) actually I feel more sure about averything right now...about ShokoBo, about my trip to Japan, about Me wanting to become an actress...
Well I think I should miss my station more often^^
To everyone of my friends: I love you !!! everyone of you , everyone in their special way thanks for being the way you are!!!! |
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| ECSTASY |
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| 03:51am 26/11/2007 |
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mood:  crazy music: Tachikiri Tai - "koi no geki daze ecstasy"
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WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! This damned song!!!!! I love it so much! but right now I also hate it! It ist such a beautiful song but it is way TOO LONG!!!! I have to cut it to 2 minutes length ;________; (original length 3:55 min) but there are so many parts that I like and that i don't want to cut ;____; But I have to do it and I think that I did quite a good job so far^^ It now is 2:29 min long, and it took me almost 3 hours to fix the cuts, so you would not hear them but I will find a way to get rid of those last DAMNED 29 SECONDS too ! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| I want to do an dance-project!!!! |
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| 07:07pm 21/11/2007 |
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mood:  energetic music: TMR- "invoke" "hot limit" "albireo"
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well today started pretty crappy since my boss tried calling me in the early morning when I was still fast asleep... I'm saying that he tried, bacause I just ignored the damned phone stuffing it under my pillow to kill the sound ^^° I bet he was calling me to ask if I could come to work this evening...no thanks! I actually have to do some things at home which I won't ever be able to do if I'm constantly at work! XP
so I stuffed my cell phone under my pillow...unfortunately I forgot, that this way I would not be able to hear the alarm later^^° of course I overslept XD but I still managed to be only five minutes late (because I ran the entire 1,8km to the train station instead of waiting for the bus XD)
but now that I'm home I'm very erergetic^^ I want to do some choreographies so badly >_< I really loved doing th choreos fo "Spacktacular" (especially "invoke" by TMR and "voice" from the anime Yu-gi-oh) I mean I like the ShoKoBo choreographies, too but I want to do choreos for a different kind of music^^° right now I'm working on a Choreographie for "albireo" and "hot limit" by TMR. I'd like to do Albireo as a Gundam Seed or gundam seed destiny project with three other people. best would be Kira, Cagalli, Larcus and Athrun (me^^), but I don't mind other characters (like Rey za Brrel *_____*) "hot limit" ist just a very energetic "summerparty"-like song^^ I don't know exactly in which cosplay I'd like to do it the most (and with how many people) but I allready have some kind of idea...even though I doubt that my girlfriend would do something like that^^° (well she was the one who is responsible for the cosplay I now have planned for the Animagic next year XDDD) |
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| thoughts |
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| 11:19pm 19/11/2007 |
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mood: determined music: Albireo - TR
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well I guess that lately I had just too much time to think actually right now I'm this close to enrolling myself for courses at another university. I've been studying business for one year now. actually I only started studying it to satisfy my mothers wish that I should learn a proper job. I really tried to like it. I tried to tell myself that it is what I wanted...but it is not. well I actually did like some parts of it, but that was not the main part at all...it is so different from the feeling I have studying japanese. even ste boring subjects like "history of the ukiyo-e" are way more interesting to me than any class I have to attend for business. I really want to quit business. not only because I just don't like it, but also because I know what I really want. I told you in my other entry that I wanted to be an actress. I had known this for quite some time but still I studied something else for my mothers sake. my father knows this. he himself has told me during summer vacation that I'm currently studying the wrong subject. back then I knew he was right but I still wanted to try. but now...after I had been standing on a stage again... I just can't return to thinking that THIS is what I want. I'm currently searching for universities where I can study japanese and drama. I've already found one...the university of Leipzig. not only would I be able to study what I really want, but I would also be able to be closer to my girlfriend. Maybe I will really enroll there after my stay in japan. I think I will talk to my father tomorrow and to my mother I will talk as soon an she and her boyfried are back from theri vacation. |
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Read 16 - Post |
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| 変わらない気持ち |
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| 04:25pm 17/11/2007 |
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mood: upset music: "fields of hope" by rie tanaka
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it's been over two weeks now since ShoKoBos first perfomance and finally I find the time to write about it^^ our performance should start at 8:45 p.m. on friday (2.11.07), so our dress rehearsal was at 11 o'clock in the morning. unfortunately the technician had not yet arrivet at that time. so we had to do our dress rehearsal without the headsets, microphones... another problem was the stage. we had been given the length and width of it before but they had let down a screen in the middle of the stage. it was hanging too low (my eye-level), so we could not just pass through under that damned thing. so we spent maybe half an hour arguing with the responsible people if it was possible to pull up the screen for our performence, since the stage would be way to small for some of our dances if they would not do it. in the end they agreed to pull it up, since we were the last group performing that day. one problem solved but the next was soon to come. when the technicians arrived they told us that there would only be 3 headsets instead of 8. THREE!!!! thats a total difference of 5! and we were 14 people on stage at so,me parts of the play! we neded at least five! in the end we ended up changing the whole music of our play from karaoke-versions to the original ones 30 minutes before our play startet. we had practised so hard to sound good together but now we had to use the original! It was kind of frustrating to not be able to sing the songs ourselves. there were so many other problems and mistakes during the show but still it was so great! the audience was great!!! when the first beats of the first song "jubilee-run run run" sounded through the hall everyone started clapping there handa in sync with the music *____* It was an incredible feeling to run out onto the stage only seconds later and dance and play there in the spotlight. I've so missed that feeling! I love being on a stage, acting dancing an singing to my hearts contend...thats why I wanted to become an actor in the first place. even though I study at the university right now I still dream of becoming an actress one day, because that's what I really want. I've been having this kind of wierd feelings since the performance ended. And it has gotten worse since last weekend where we were having a casting for new mambers and for the roles of our next stageplay which will be "more than limits" the St.Rudolph tenimyu. I had so much fun trying different roles. I tried Tezuka (bacause I just love that charakter and want to play him very badly), Fuji Shuusuke and Fuji Yuuta (just for fun, since I allways used to sing the kimeru-parts in our songs during practise because we're at the same pith^^ and I soooo love his voice), Kawamura (since it was my role in the last play and I just wanted to prove to myself that I did good at playing him), Kaoidou (I did not want to try this role but our Momoshiro (helene) provoked me^^°) and Yanagizawa Shinya (because he's just a very lovely dork^^ ...I mean duck XD). I was most afraid of the role of Tezuka since it is very precious to me and I had to compete with Xenia, who played Tezuka in our fist musical. She really is the perfect Tezuka. I think she is better than Kengo, Shirota and Minami. and even if she might kill me for this comment...I do think that she is at least as good as Takigawa Eiji (if not better!). So of course I lost against Xenia...but at least only by five points ^^(Xenia: 77,5P/80P - Me: 72,5P/80P) Fuji S. went far better than I had expected. I was only one point behind Nici who scored first (79P/90P) O____O Yuuta did not go so well...I forgot my lines ^^° , but that was not so bad^^ I ended up being 6th (36P/40P)...well we were all only 0.5 points apart^^° I had a lot of fun trying the role of Kaidou and I did quite well scoring second behind Helene (H: 79,5P/90P- Me: 74P/90P). I woul have scored first if Xenia had not given me 0P for getting to close to her performing the snake shot (shame on you Xania!!!! XDDDD) I scored first for Kawamura (65,5P/70P), which was quite satisfying, but Helene and Xenia were also very good and only a few points behind me. Shinya...well...I scored first getting 80 out of 80 possible Pionts!!!!! I had such a hard time performing my lines for him since most of the other members burst out laughing after the first two sentences!!!! Even Xenia!!! ou perfect Tezuka had to hide her laughter finhid that stupid bento box !!!!!!! That was so crazy, but funny as hell XD
well...in the end it doesn't matter how I scored, since I won't be present for the performance of our next stageplay (since I'll be in japan doing work and travel)...and I'm very upset about it. when I came back from Japan this year I couldn't wait to go there again. I was looking forwards to my year ther in excitement...but now I somehow dread it ...because it means leaving ShoKoBo for one year. During the last year and especially during the last months before our performance they have become like a family to me. And I know that I'm going to miss them very badly. training with them, laughing together and standing on a stage with them ...I'll miss all of those things and more. Right now we are working on a remake for our first musical (for animagic 2008 maybe ande for connichi 2008) and on our new musical which we will be first performed at the Animaco 2008 (if they accept us). Even though we're still working at the remake I feel like I'm drifting futher and further away from them...I know this may be silly but I can't help it. I have no reason to be upset right no, right? I mean...I'm deeply in love with my girlfriend and in spite of the distance between us we get along so well and are happy with each other. I have great frinds that I can talk to. My health is great and none of my family suffers from a fatal disease. So many people have more severe problems than I have... but still I feel upset.
for everyone who has read this entry...please don't worry about me. I'm not going to do anything stupid since I know better than that. I will be fine again sooner or later^^ |
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| ポケモンの新しい映画 |
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| 05:12pm 18/08/2007 |
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mood: awake music: Mix of all tenimyus XD
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yesterday we went to ikebokuro to watch the new pokemon movie "ディアルガ VS パルキア" well actually we went there to search for a certain photobook which we had not been able to find in shibuya or akihabara, but that's rather unimportant right now^^ the movie was really great! I had never seen pokemon in japanese before so I was quite surprised when they called ash " satoshi" and rocko "takeshi". but all the voice actors were chosen wisely because they fit the characters very well. even though the voice of meowth killed me since it was so terrible it really fit XD the music of the movie was really graet. I loved the ending song and this main theme called "oracion" and I fell in love with this new pokemon called "darkrai" *____* I allmost cried when I feared that Darkrai was about to die ;___; and all because of this stupid fight between palkia and dialba! and there was a very funny scientist called tonio ^^ he was so clumsy but a very nice guy, I really can understand alice's feelings for him^^ I had feared that I would nt understand a word but since it was a movie for kids the japanese spoken was very easy and I was able to understand most of it (I was not able to understand some part of tonios scientistic statements but I guess thats not that bad XD).
Today we went to the comicat or natsucomi, whatever you'd like to call it. It was completely different from every german convention ad I really have to say that I like german conventions better. they're more fun. even though I had some great time staring at all those pot cosplayers and being stared at by most of them. I allso met my favourite staff member of the seinenkan dai-hall there. I still don't know his name...*will have to ask him for it the next time...*...but we recognized each other^^ at the tenimyu I had already guessed that he could not remember that I had been ther the year befor but he did! ^^ He's a very nice guy^^ I like him, I want to work with him at the seinenkan dai-hall XD there were a lot of rikkai cosplayrs there and most of the nious were so great! *___* well that goes for the other rikkai members as well and for the rest of the teams. but I always felt like laughing when I looked at their shoes...HIGH HEELS! or sports shoes that seemed a lot liek those buffalo boots that allmost everyone was wearing some years ago. I really hate those shoes! well I understand that they want to be taller to fit into their role as sanada, tezuka or whoever but...well high heels just don't fit for a tennis uniform ;___; have you ever tried to play tennis on high heels????!!!!
well nevermind...but all those rikkai cosplayers there made me want to cosplay rikkai as well >_< I wanna do niou! or sanada! yay! I wanna sream "MARUI! JACKAL! AKAYA!" and hit the three of them...not XD No really, I'd like to cosplay one of the "evil" guys once in a while (not that ichimaru would not be counting as an evil guy but...he's different...he just wants to play/ entertain himself >3)
well we lft the comicat at about half past two since wanted to avoid the huge crowds that would fill the trains once the convention was over. we went to asakusa were we had some very delicious sushi for lunch^^ and it was so cheap! I wish the sushi in germany was that cheap ;___;
when our stomaches were filled we went to ikebakuro again were we did some purikurars wearing our cosplay. I really like those puris^^ Once in my life my eyes really look blue and not red XD
well thats all I have to say for now^^ |
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| 最後のショー |
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| 01:12pm 16/08/2007 |
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mood: indescribable music: Rikkai feat. rokkaku second service sondtrack
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yesterday was the last tokyo performence of the latest Tenimyu "Rikkai feat. rokkaku - second service" and we (sara and me) had tickets for it.
it was a very great show. everyone gave their best and at the end some of them were talking about the musical. minami said that though this ist not their very last preformence (since there are more in osaka or fukuoka) it is a very special performence for them, bacause one year ago they had their debut on the sage of the safter that they seinenkan dai-hall. it was quite emotional, but also funny because menami kept talking and everytime you'd think he had finished talking he would cntinue "shikashi..." (he did that 5 or 6 times at least; he really seems to like the word "shikashi") after that they sang "FGKS" usually "FGKS" would have been the last song but since it's been the last show in tokyo they also dod "on my way" afterwads. everyone was screaming like hell when they heard the first seconds of the song. the atmosphere was great. after that the lights wen on again but the audience kept applauding and nobody would leave their seats...and then the lights went out again and the cast came out. none of them knew what to sey, which was quite funny, because there were a lot of confused "eh"s but then higa chus kite somehow became he highlight of that scene. he usually looks like the embodyment of arrogance, but he couldn't keep from laughing that moment and the whole audience noticed it and was staring at him even though he tried to hide it XD then they said good bye again and the show was over.
there were some more personal events which I won't describe here. maybe later if I feel like it^^
some funny facts about the musical:
-three people took of their shoes during the show (sanada, kirihara and renji). kirihara was the funniest XD kirihara: *takes off his shoe* *looks into it sceptically* *turns it upside down and shakes it* *looks into it again* *puts it back on*
- jackal had to stand the whole musical while the rest of rikkai was sitting in the stairs or the bench (they're discriminating the poor black guy ^^°)
- during this "hijou no tennis" remix it looks very ridiculous how yukimura falls out of that hospital bed XD
- kite almost fell when he tried to jump onto his podeum again XD (one more thing that makes me like him XD)
- those headset transmitters they wear look very ridiculous (just watch their ass and you'll know what I mean ...I guess it looks worst on sanada XD)
- Kanesaki had some wound or something on his leg, at least he was wearing a bandage there (right leg)
- the lyrics of sanadas song are very funny sanada: ore wa kaze (風)ni naru Eveyone: omea wa kaze! ... S: ore wa hayashi (林) ni naru E: omae wa hayashi ... S: ore wa hi (火)ni naru E: omae wa hi ... S: ore wa yama (山)ni naru E: omae wa yama
the song ist called 風林火山 XD
- in this musical it's more than obvious that tezuka and fuji belong together^^ ( fujis song "本当の僕はどこにある" is so cute *___*), same goes for sanada and yukimura "俺は行くよ、未来のためにコートの中へ"
- higas song is just as gay as kite XD ("南の島から。。。次は青学ですね no problem")
well that's all I can remember right now XD |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| nihon no ryokou |
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| 02:43pm 04/08/2007 |
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mood:  hyper music: something from rikkai second service ^^°
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hey guys! It's been a week now since my last entry here and I thought it was time to write down the latest news.
last weekend (28/29.7.) sara (my girlfriend) and me went to Kyoto. unfortunately we had forgotten to look up how we could get to the shrines we wanted to visit. but that was not that bad at all...at least not for me. because I had planned to spent a night in one of the local ryokans with her since march this year. so since we had nowhere else to go it was very easy for me to get her there XD we spent a wonderful day there, wearing yukatas and relaxing in the onsn of the ryokan. the food was ...well...it was very good,but it took me a while to get used to it. I usually don't like fish, except for sushi or fish fingers ...well...and there I was serves a whole fish with his head and tail still attached to the rest of its body...^^° I had some difficulties eating it with chopsticks but it was good^^ Ihalfway through the meal I actually started calling the fish "flossy" (it may be only funny for german speaking persons).
the day after we finally got to visit some of the temples we visited kyomizudera and kinkakuji. it was such a pain in the ass to get to kinkakuji, bacause every time we would ask someone for direktions te woul tell us how to get to GINkakuji. after the fifth time or something like that it really strted to annoy me.
on the 31th of july we went to hiroshima. the ride on the train was so long >_< (even using the shinkansen). there we went to see miyajima, some small island there. and again we saw a lot of deer XD but this time they did not try to eat sara XDDDDD it was fun, even though we could only spent so little time there because of the long train ride.
on the first nof august my best friend sari arrived at tokyo. we brought her to her appartment and afterwards we went to a karaoke bar in shinjuku.
the next day we picked up the last two members of our group at narita airport. while they braught the luggage to saris appartment and filled out some reaining forms at sakura house office sara and me went to the seinenkandai hall to buy some photosets of the new tenimyu, which had started that day. w wanted to wait there for or friends. while waitig we tried our luck at the lottery for the tickets for that days tenimyu show...well...we were lucky^^ we got two cards and were able to see the tenimyu on its first day! YEAH! XDDDDDD the songs were great and my girlfriend kept watching aibas ans seto kojis bhaviour in the background during inuis an yanagis match XD it seemed like seto was trying t get close to aiba the whole time XDDDD I loved the part when fiji was playing akaya...omg he seemed to be so in love with tezuka durig that part XDDDDD I loved his song during that scene *___* at the end of the musical they sang F.G.K.S. and kept dancing between the audience. bunta, kikumaru and niou were the ones closest to us. I really felt . like putting bunta in some bag and take him with me because he was soooooo cute XD he semed to really enjoy himself^^
well the day after our whole group went shopping in ikebokuro...after eating some okonomiyaki in a restorant there XD it was very tasty even though kojiu kind of burned hers..well she did not exactly burn the okonomiyaki itself but she somehow managed to get the osukimi sauce on the hot iron plate in front of us and that was kind of disgusting. it smelled so bad XDDDDD as I said, we wnet shopping and in mandarake one of the chashiers was wearing a niou-cosplay *_____* NIOU!!!!! That kind of killed me^^° that combined with the musical of the evening before. I really love that character and she looked so great in that costume *___* I wanted to put her i a bag together with bunta and take her home *___* ....well...I kept repeating the name "niou", for allmost the entired evening ^^° I guess I sounded like a new pokemon. one of my friends told my me I sounded like myu in the first pokemon film, becouse I kept saying "niou" in a high pitched voice and well...it actually really sounded like "myu" XDDDDDD but come to think of pokemon... the is a pokemon stamp race in tokyo right now, where you collect stampsat different JR stations. when you have gathered 6 stamps you get a pikachu ticket case (for JR tickets) and some funny looking pikachu cap. lolly and me wnted to do this of course, because it's just dead funny doing silly things like that and...well thats how we spent this day(4.8. 2007). after w had collected the samps we went to do some shopping at the okemon centre tokyo XDDDDDDD It was sooooo great^^
this evening there also was a huge firework near our station (hasune /mita-line). sara and me went to watch it and it was very beautiful. there is another one at the 11th and at the 16th. I guess we'll try too see both of them^^
well, thet's all for now see ya ^^ |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| nihon |
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| 04:55pm 27/07/2007 |
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mood:  giggly music: yureru soul society
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today is our fith day here in japan and I thought it was time to write down some of the things we have done so far. sara and me spent the irst days in tokyo, doing some shopping in ikebokuro and shibuya. on the 25th we went on a trip to nara. it was fantastic. and the deers there were so cute ^////^ e were able to feed them and it was really funny, because as soon as you had purchased the food a whole bunch of deer would come after you. one of them even tried to eat saras shirt XD. I guess the shirt must have been very tasty because the deer kept chaing her evenwhen all the food was gone^^°
the day after we kind of overslept and decided to just stay in tokyo and visit nakano.
today we went to okayama where we met my best friend who is staying there for some das with her former host family. we were invited to eat lunch there and it was really fun. of course my best friend (mary/sari) was making fun of me all the time^^° later we visited korakuen and the okayama crow castle. in korakuen we wanted to feed koi (are they called this in english? well i don't care XD), but we ended up feeding pidgeons instead, because the kept lading on our hands to get the food for the koi. It ws so funny that we rather continued to feed them instead of the fish^^°
I'll upload some pictures later. until then...dewa mata! |
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| 01:47am 28/03/2007 |
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mood:  hyper music: hyoutei eternity - fujouri
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well ...the first convention for this year is over now.... last weekend there war the LBM in leipzig, where my love studies, so this time finding a place to sleep was not very difficult^^ including my girlfriend we were 5 people staying at her place. on friday morning we found out zthat my best fried was actually staying at the same house, only two stores abouve our room XD the convention was very fun. there were lots of bleach cosplayers this time. there were a lot of PoT cosplayers too, but some of them changed into their bleach cosplay on saturday (including me^^) I loved my tezuka cosplay, even though my hair was a bit too dark. well I guess I loved it mainly becouse my girlfriend cosplayed fuji. she is such an adorable fuji >/////< and we did some very cute photos together^^ I also had a lot of fun cosplaying ichimaru gin on saturday and sunday (even though putting the red contact lenses in was a pain in the ass, thanks to hitsugaya for her help here^^) , but I have to admit that the musical did influence me a great deal, bacause I think Tuti is the best gin ever! I spent most of the time scaring one of my friends who cosplayed rukia >3 my best friend was a great izuru *hugs* on saturday and sunday my love cosplayed marui bunta from PoT. she was sooooo cute, but I think fuji suits her better *cuddles* the convention ended on sunday, but I stayed at my girlfriends place for two more days. unfortunately she kind of lost her voice ...well I also have some problems with my voice right now, but it's not that bad...
It's not even been 12 hours without her and I allredy miss her... but we'll see each other in another 3 1/2 weeks...until then I have the lovely photos from this last weekend^^



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| 02:28am 06/03/2007 |
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mood:  thoughtful music: "can't take me" from "spirit - the wild mustang"
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when I came home from work today I had an entry in my guest book which made me think a lot...I'm usually not a person to write things like this down but ...I guess it will do good if I write about this whole thing now.
It's been exactly one year now since the worst day of my life, the day I really craved to die. back then a lot of things have gone wrong....things I really want to forget, but which I still remember as good as if they had happened just yesterday.
back then I had a friend whom I trusted to a great extend. we had known each other since early summer 2005. we could talk to each other about everything and she knew my habits quite well. It went so far as that we could tell the others mood from a single "hello" on the telephone. at that time I was member of an newly founded dancing group who was supposed to have their debut on the 5th of march. It was late november/early december, when I asked her to come to watch our show in april. around that date I also promised her that I would come to visit her during my winter vacation since we were only able to see us a few times a year given the great distance between us (~500km). that was also the time when I fell in love with another member of our dancing group. of course, besides my best friend, that friend was the fist one to know about it. that girl and I were supposed to attend the same new years party and my friend urged me to tell her about my feelings. I'm not exactly a person, who is good at expressing their feelings to someone... but well, I did it at last an on the first of january 2006 we started dating even though it was going to be a long distance relationship (back then I was still in school and living in a small village 250km from hamburg). from that moment on everything went quite fast. after the party I stayed at my girlfriends house for some more days. during that time we even had sex with each other. back then and still I wished we would have waited another month, but well what's done is done. an one of those days I got an email from that dear friend, telling me that she loved me but that she could not tell me when I was so obviously in love with someone else. I told her, that I loved her too, but in a different way. as a friend and not a lover. she told me it was ok with her and I believed her. I guess that was my biggest mistake... one month later I was supposed to hold to my promise and visit her for about a week. my girlfriend told me not to go, but since I had promised it and she was a very good friend I went despite all buts from my girlfriend. I still wonder why she was worried back then, had she sensed something like that from the start? I think I'll never find out. well the time of my stay went by quite fast and everything was ok...until the last night of my stay. like on some evenings before I was lying in her bed. it was more comfortable then the bad for guests and warmer, which was quite enjoyable for someone like me who suffers from low blood pressure and body temperature (also constantly cold hands and feet as it is). she was in the bath room, and I was feeling somewhat tired so I fell asleep in her bed. I only barely noticed her, when she came back. I was about to go back to my own bed when she offered me to stay. I accepted, appreciating the extra warmth of the body close by. some time later, I don't know how long; I woke up to a strange feeling. A little dazed from sleep I didn't know what was happening at first. but when I finally realized that someone was touching me, in more than a friendly way as it was, and who exactly that person was...I was shocked. that very moment I knew that I should do something about it, that I should tell her to stop, that it was all wrong, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to to anything against it. I did not love her, so why did I not do anything against it? a friend told me that maybe it was because I was not really happy with my relationship back then. It's true, I felt ...well imprisoned, would be a quite hard word to describe it but guess it's the most fitting one. I'm a person, who needs freedom, and a lot of it as it is. I don't want someone to tell me how often I have to call them. even If I love someone deeply I need time for me and my friends too. she didn't understand that. but despite these problems I can't believe that this was the reason, since I have always been against one-night stands and anything like deceiving your partner. anyway...after that incident I didn't know what to think anymore, ...of my self, of that friend, of everything - I was confused. the next day I drove directly to my girlfriends new apartment. I didn't tell her about what happened. I couldn't explain to myself what had happened the night before so I doubted that I would be able to explain it to her. I also was to afraid of loosing her to tell her. I knew I had to tell her eventually, but I wanted to find out the reason for this incident first, and I wanted to know what my friend was thinking about it, what had been on her mind that evening. another two weeks passed, and it was finally the weekend of our debut. everything went well and, we did a great job on stage. all the hard work of the last six month paid off that day. but after the show, when I was going to change for another costume one of our team members suddenly asked me whether it was true or not, if I had deceived my girlfriend. my answer was "yes", since I didn't know how do describe it in any other way. she told me to talk with my girlfriend about it within the next week. if I would not do so, she would do it herself. I agreed to talk to my girlfriend when I had finished changing. I went outside to my car to pack some things away and get my clothes, but then I could not hold back the tears anymore. suddenly all my fears were back again and I sank down at the side of my car. I didn't care about the cold, or the snow around me which was slowly soaking my hair and clothes. about ten or fifteen minutes later another team member showed up and told my with a quite angry voice that my girlfriend wanted to talk to me. someone seemed to have told her about everything while I was outside. I think you can imagine the unpleasant outcome of it. we spent quite a while talking. well it was mostly her talking to me, or rather yelling at me. I could understand her anger quite well, and I did not really say anything to explain myself...well what would I have been able to explain anyways? after that I went back to my car and cried, I cried a lot and for a long time. I wanted to drive home but I had to notice that I had forgotten my glasses at the house of one of the former mentioned team members. I had to wait until about 7 p.m. to get my glasses back. most of the time I spent in my car crying. I was very glad that two people were staying with me, keeping me company and trying to cheer me up. I think I would not have survived the night without them... because when I could finally drive home it was already dark, the streets were covered with ice and the mist made it nearly impossible to see. I was tired, my had ached from all the crying- and I was still crying - , I felt sick as if I was about to vomit any moment. during those 6 hours of hell I spent in the highway, I really wished to die. I honestly thought about steering my car into the barrier on purpose. I thought that everyone would be better off without me, especially my girlfriend, whom I had caused so much pain. bit the thought of the two people and of the promise I made to my best friend, who was in japan at that time were keeping me on the road and in the end I arrived at home at about 1 a.m. In front of my mother and her boyfriend I tried to act calm and collected. I took some pills against sickness and went to bed crying myself into sleep. I cant remember having cried so much ever before in my entire life.
the next week was quite hard, of course I had to listen to a lot of accusations from other team members. I was not hungry at all and only ate because I knew that it was bad for your body to eat nothing, but I could only eat very little before I felt sick to the stomach again. one week after that day I called my former girlfriend again and we were talking about everything in a calmer way. after a long discussion we were getting along again. some days later I got a letter from the my friend, stating me her point of view. I think I was shocked and angry at once when I read it. it was the biggest nonsense I've ever read. I sounded like she wanted to convince me that I was the one who wanted all that. I wanted none of it. I never bothered to reply, because from that day on this person was dead to me. I heard from my former girlfriend and later from others too about many things, that this "friend" had told others and the more I heard the more everything she had done sounded like a big intrigue.
wall that's what happened last year... as I already told in my last entry I now have a new girlfriend. we also started dating at the 1st of january. at first I have to admit that I was a bit afraid to tell her, because of all the things that had happened last year, but I'm very happy with her. She knows of the things that have happened one year ago, and every time I worry about something because of the fear of something like that she tells me that I'm an idiot an that I shouldn't think so much about it and pull myself down. she really is something. I really love, more than I ever loved someone else and I hope that we can stay together for as long as possible
in only one year so many things have changed...last year I wanted to die so badly but now...I want to live to the fullest! together with my fiends who helped me through this mess, the friends I just made during the last year and of course together with my girlfriend. Thanks to all of you! I love you all in their special way *hugs* |
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| excitement^^ |
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| 02:26pm 02/03/2007 |
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mood:  excited music: the dark of the bleeding moon
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well it's been a very long time since my last post in here... that's because university took up a good amount of my time and since I stated a parttime job at beginning of this year I had even less time + I'm kind of an lazy ass when it comes to writing about myself...well that may be mostly because I think that most of the things that happen in my daily life are not worth mentioning^^°
but right now I really feel in the mood to write something and I don't actually care if I spam this site >3
a lot of things happened since my last post in here. I got a new girlfriend for example. we're dating since the fist of january 2007 ^///^ she's a wonderful person and I love her deeply. I'm very happy because my last 2 relationships ended in a rather unpleasent way, but with her I feel as if everything is finally going to work out. I fell like being in love for the fist time. I'm so nervous^^° the only sad think about our relationship ist that we live approximately 400km away from each other, so we can only see each other once or twice a month. ;___; which leads me to another set of news^^ my girlfriend , my best friend ,two other friends and I are going to japan vor one month in summer^^ we just recently booked the flight^^ we'll be staying in tôkyô from the end of july until mid august^^ maybe we'll even get to see another tenimyu^^, or another blech musical. during my last trip I was able to see both, and I loved them...well I love any kind of musical anyway^^° I want to see the 青年間大ホール again^^ but this time my japanese will hopefully be a lot better since I started learning japanese in university in october. yesterday I got the results for my japanese test...I got an A ^^
right now I'm preparing my cosplay for the LBM (leipziger Buchmess), which will be tezuka kunimitsu from prince of tennis and Ichimaru gin from bleach. my girlfiend will be cosplaying fuji syusuke and marui bunta from frince of tennis. i'm already somewhat afraid of the things she and her kikumaru are plotting against me...but well, as long as it's not raining or snowing I can order them to run some laps if they go too far XD as for gin...I'm scared of shinsou, becouse I've never before built a sword on my own^^° but I love him^^ ; he's just such an asshole >3 I'm really looking forwards to teasing my little izuru (cosplayed by my best friend) >3
mh...I think that was all for now...quite a long post, but who cares XD I really will try to post more often^^ |
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| University |
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| 01:51pm 22/10/2006 |
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mood:  sleepy music: Vampire - Kato Kazuki
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last week was my first week in university. but stere were no real lessons yet. it was mainly meant to show you where everything is, how you but together yous shedule and to get to know some other students. it was fun, but also very stressful, because you were at university almost the whole day. but an thursday we went clinbing. it was great. even though there was one moment when I really worried about my life^^° I'll just say this one thing: it's not nice to be 8m above the ground, not not having much strength left and not being able to hold on to the wall for much longer, while the people who were meant to secure you are arguing whether the knot that schoul keep you from falling is correct or not O_O but it was really fun and i'd like to do it again^^ |
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